John Kerry is an Asshole

Save My Life, You Son of a Bitch

John Kerry had arranged a photo opportunity at a ski resort. While breezing down the slope, he lost his balance upon colliding with a secret service agent assigned to protect his life. When queried by a reporter about the accident, Kerry responded with, "I don't fall down. That son-of-a-bitch ran into me."

John Kerry slandered the man charged with protecting his life as a "son of a bitch."

Snopes discusses this report, with their own regrettable slant. Many more Kerry incidents are discussed apologetically in their John Kerry index. Decide for yourself.

I'll Have the Grilled Diver Sea Scallops and a Frosty

John Kerry parked his bus outside Wendy's, in an apparent bid to appear as if he was just an ordinary Joe, picking from the value menu like the rest of us. He had actually ordered expensive take-out luncheons from a local yacht club, to feed himself, his wife, Ben Affleck, and the rest of his entourage.

The Washington Post has the story, but local Hudson Valley News reveals the true afternoon menu.

Washington via Cambodia

John Kerry joined the Navy knowing he could work a cushy assignment. He discarded any semblance of honor and dignity by applying for his own purple hearts and various other citations won despite never spending a day in the hospital during his four month stint in combat. After leaving the military, he admits to having himself committed atrocities, essentially branding himself a war criminal. Hundreds of honorably discharged veterans speak out against him, but are silenced as partisan tools of George W. Bush and the Republicans.

Kerry accumulated more medals in less time than any other person in the history of the United States. Why doesn't his party tout this fact, this monumental statement of heroism? My guess is because while it is the same flavor of hyperbole as the rest of his record, it is patently absurd to put him in the same league as Alvin York and Audie Murphy.

No footnotes or cites here. Google for "john kerry purple hearts," add "alvin york audie murphy," or mix your own queries. The conclusion that Kerry entered the military solely to further his political career is admittedly far-fetched. Take it or leave it.

And the First Lady is a Tramp

John Kerry is married to Zsa-Zsa Gabor.

John Kerry: Kidnapper, Murderer, and Sodomite Rapist

john kerry's disembodied head in a pan of blood and re-animating serum

John Kerry was decapitated during a struggle with one of his junior associates. After his head and body were infused with a re-animating serum, he engaged on a violent rampage involving many deaths and atrocious abominations. I present to you not-safe-for-work-or-children photographic documentation of preternatural sexual abuse by John Kerry.

Anybody But Bush?

Obviously, I am not voting for John Kerry. I am viscerally disgusted by the man. I consider him lacking in character and conviction. However, neither am I voting for Bush, who would be content to allow his imaginary friend to run the country.

I will probably "throw my vote away" on a Libertarian candidate, wherewith I can at least be assured that our ridiculous drug laws will be defanged by mass pardons of non-violent drug offenders. (Oh, he'll also require Congress to vow an oath of Constitutional understanding, and blow up the United Nations, but also abolish income tax and driver's licenses, so hey it's all good!)

I encourage you to vote with your heart. If your heart says Nader, vote Nader. What kind of citizens are we who allow a stellar showing by a third party in an election to cause us not to rally behind the candidate, but to damn him with scurrilous and spurious accusations of causing a partisan washrag to lose it?

Voting for the lesser evil encourages major parties to put forth more lesser evils! Do not allow them to perpetuate a Republicrat oligarchy! We survived four years of Bush, and we'll survive four more. We survived eight years of Clinton! You are not being pragmatic by voting against a candidate-- you're betraying your country and further narrowing your future choices.